Here are the links to the video I took of ultrasound.. I could write more but really the videos say it all 🙂


3 AM


I have been up for about an hour… Its three AM. Of course, I did go to bed at 8 PM but still this is totally out of character for me. I have always been the kind of person who can sleep all the time, anyplace. I feel totally rested I just can not believe I am up. For the last week or so I have been getting up around 5 AM and I am so incredibly tired by 7 PM.

The good news is the 5th beta came back at 2513 and the doctor is very happy. The doctor does not want to do an earlier ultrasound now, she is very comfortable with waiting till May 12th to do the ultrasound. In addition, the other blood work they did to see if this is an ectopic pregnancy came back fine. The only issue they found was my white blood cell count was high. I know why and the doctor agrees. I have had eczema my whole life and have been struggling with hand eczema since February of this year. It was just a small spot to begin but has gotten progressively worse as the months have gone by.

This year has been a horrible year. My hands are dry and cracked and hurting. Not just a small area, my whole palms and now my fingers. I would normally use Betamethozone and within a couple of days it clears up but not this year. It is slowly getting better but still very painful. I have been using bleach baths. I thought it was a crazy idea when I first heard about. You want me to but my very sore, weepy hands into bleach! It was of course the best thing to do. The diluted bleach solution drys out the eczema and also kills any bacteria causing a secondary infection that in turn makes the eczema flare up worse and stops the itching.

Other than that, things are good…. We absolutely LOVE our house. My wife has been amazing settling us in. I help but really she has done most of the finding of new homes for all our stuff. Every week the space feels more and more like home. It is almost like all the things we have collected over the last 20 years were just for this home. It is absolutely perfect!

Beta Hell

I am in beta hell…. and a POAS (pee on a stick) addict. Here is what has been going on the last 10 days.

  • April 16th – first beta test came back at 90.78. The nurse was so happy when she called. She said that was outstanding first beta and our Dr was jumping up down happy with that number. She said to come back in two days and get rechecked and hope that it doubled. They scheduled our first ultrasound for 5/12 the day before my birthday!
  • April 18th – second beta test came back at 126.5, only a 40% increase over two days with a doubling time of 4.2 days or 100.27 hours. This was a Saturday so I was called by another nurse in the Waltham office. She said that was not a great number but went up. She said they wanted me to come back again to test and this time they would give it a full three days. I know better. Monday was Patriots day and they were closed so I could not get my blood drawn until Tuesday. The nurse asked if I have had any spotting, bleeding or cramp, which I have had none, to call.
  • April 21st – third beta test came back at 298.9, much better! Three day increase of 136.3% with a doubling time of 2.4 days or 58.04 hours. My nurse called and said that was great increase but they wanted to test again in three days to be sure. In addition they did other blood work to check for an ectopic pregnancy and if I had any spotting, bleeding or cramping I should call right away. I asked why they were concerned about ectopic and she told me because my second beta had only increased by 40% they are watching closely. I let her know I had spoken with my sister in law and she had had a slow rising beta with her naturally conceived baby. I though it might help if there is a genetic piece to how fast betas rise. She said that was helpful information.
  • April 24th – fourth beta test came back at 897.5! Even better! Three day increase of 200.3% with a doubling time of 1.9 days or 45.39 hours. Every beta test seems to get faster. This time I asked about an early ultra sound and she said they will but first I need another beta done on Monday.. ugh I know the hcg in my blood must be over 1,000 to see anything so I am hoping that will be the case on Monday. The way the beta numbers have been growing I think it is pretty safe to say it will be.

Now we wait some more. I am trying to be positive but now I have become a hypochondriac worrying about every little twinge I feel. I keep getting a stab on my left side this morning. Not a pain more like a twinge that comes and goes. It is similar to the feeling I get when I ovulate. I did have two personal training clients yesterday. Maybe I pulled something while kayaking…

In reality I have no control over this and it will be what it is meant to be. The only thing I can do is wait and pee on a stick to see the lines getting darker. Today the test line is much darker that the control line. It helps to know the number is going up.

The Two Week Wait

Ok so it was not a full two weeks but it was still a long 9 days for me. I hate waiting. It’s awful! So I did POAS (Pee On A Stick) every day… even when I knew there was no reason to do it. I could not stop cause the only thing I could do was to POAS. So from day 1 on I tested. Some times more than once a day. I have been totally addicted! On day 5 after my 5 day transfer I got my first faint line.


I sent my nurse an email on Wednesday asking I could get my beta hcg blood work done earlier. She said I could come in one day earlier. On Thursday 4/16 we got our first beta done. After waiting HOURS for the phone call we finally heard back. They had told me they wanted at least 50 on this first test. Our results… 90.78 a day early! We go back on Saturday for the second beta to see if it doubles. If all continues well we have our first ultrasound on 5/12.. at that point we will be nearly 8 weeks along. Should have some lovely pictures of our week one (or two!).

The Big Day

April 7th was the big day.. I know this post is a week over due. I have no excuse other than I just could not put a whole coherent sentence together…. Sorry :-/

So we arrived at Boston IVF in Waltham MA by 9:30. My transfer was not until 10:45 but I scheduled an acupuncture appointment prior and after our transfer. They say it helps and it did relax me so that good!

k&L before

I had to have a full bladder so I had two bottles of water I drank.. I kept thinking I need to pee then remembered I could not. We were finally called back and I was told to change. Kelli was allowed to be there also so she was given scrubs to put on.


Are we cute or what!!

the sox

I wore the same sock my wife wore for the egg retrieval for good luck. Then we waited… and waited… and waited… and waited. Did I mention earlier I need to pee. Another quick photo of my love as we waited..

the wife

I joked with her she could just worn her work clothes to the retrieval giggle.. The night before the transfer I gave my wife a little gift. Something to remember our transfer day (like a baby or two would not do the trick ;-)) It has two little hearts with diamonds, one for each of our embryos. I have started calling them our M&Ms. No matter how many or the sex we will be using a first name that starts with the letter M.

a little something

Finally they called us in. It was neat.. from my angle I could not see the ultrasound but my love could. The doctor inserted a catheter into my uterus and the embryologist brought our embryos out and they were blown into their new home with a puff of air. On the ultrasound screen you could see a white bright spot when the embryos and culture medium was put in. Very cool. We also got the “Official” first photo of the M&Ms

the embryos

After we were done we drove home. I took the rest of the week off just to relax and binge watch netfilx. Pretty sure the wife is all set with the Medium. I watched nearly every episode in the last week +.

Drum Roll Please…..

Today started off so stressful.. I really hate driving in the city. The traffic, the jerks who don’t give a crap about anyone else. Everyone acts like they are the ONLY ones on the road and where they are going is so much more important than YOU! Grrr. We were a little late but it was ok. Blood work came back with a nice low number for my progesterone – .53. That means I did not ovulate yet. Kinda of interesting my cycle to should sync up with this transfer. I should ovulate Thursday or so and our blastocysts is a 5 day. Tuesday is the 5th day after I ovulate… Strange how things line up. The 7th was picked because that is the day our doctor could do the actual transfer. Gotta love when the universe seems to work with you.

Even better, my lining came back at a whopping 12.82! A nice cushy place for our little M&Ms (just M) to settle in for the next 9 months.


We are good to go on April 7th! So excited! I am going to take rest of the week off to relax and just chill. My wife also took the time off so we can just binge watch Netflix. I only have one little item I have to attend to on the 8th. I work at a University and every year we have our service awards in the spring. I completely forgot with all that is going on that I signed up to be there. This is a big year for me! I will be getting my 15th year award. Its a blanket with my name embroidered on it. I wont technique be 15 until November but that is how they do giggle. I also got my undergrad here prior to working here so if you tacked those years on too, well that’s a mighty long time.

I have now been on estrogen mega doses for 17 days and I am tired, bloated and achy – to top it off I now have a dull headache. I do hope it passes soon. After the ultrasound this am I extra uncomfortable. I have seen another blogger refer to the transducer as “Mr. Wandy”… well Mr. Wandy was down right rough and rude today. I did not even get breakfast out of the deal.

In my reading I have seen people posting about the progesterone suppository’s side effects being similar to pregnancy symptoms – so there is that to look forward to starting Thursday.

worth it

The Golden Egg

golden egg

It’s all about the numbers as you get older. When we meet with the doctor the first time she told us that we had a 20% chance of this working. Following that logic, for every 100 eggs that are produced 20 should be good viable eggs that will be able to grow into healthy babies. We were able to grow 21 eggs and 20% of that would be four. Yes I know its slightly more but who wants a .2 egg?

Two. Two is all we ended up with. Guess the odds are truly against us. One perfect 4AA and one almost perfect 4BA. I know it only takes one, but this means we only have one shot, one chance and if one or both of these beautiful embryos do not survive the thaw…. we have zero, no chance. When I got the final report today I quietly cried for at my desk.

I am so grateful we were able to get 21 eggs to start, if we had gotten less, then it is probable that we may not have gotten the two that are frozen now. I am even more grateful this was not a fresh transfer at day three. The embryos that looked like rock starts on day three have now been discarded.

I see an upside to this situation. If we had extras and the first transferred worked we would have had to figure out what to do with those remaining embryos. I really did not want to think about that. We only want one healthy baby. If we end up with two in there, we are OK with that but we are not looking for multiple pregnancies.

one golden egg

We just want to find the one golden egg to make one healthy baby.